why do the valid arguments come only when you're washing someone off your skin?

I just gave myself a reading using my new tarot deck.

boy, i think i finally found the right deck, cause i definitely sense the affinity.

so i did a prosperity spread, or a growth spread. and here's what it says.

basically this has 8 cards.

card 1 is the card that tells you how you must begin your prosperity. mine says it's already here, i just have to effing recognize it. (vague, but i think i know what it is) i got the 4 of wands

card 2 is what i need to balance to help usher in prosperity. the card i drew has to do with information, in this case, and abundance of. so what does that mean? i have to start filtering the information im getting? or am i supposed to get more? i got the page of swords.

card 3 is what i need to cut back on, or be careful about. in this case it's pretty spot on. the card has to do with living within your means. in my case, i have to reconsider what my means really are because i what i thought was living within my means wasn't exactly correct. i got the 5 of pentacles.

card 4 is what mistakes i need to avoid. i got a card that basically says i'm holding myself to too high an esteem, and that i need to be a bit more realistic and grounded. definitely food for thought. 2 of wands.

card 5 is what inner resource must i draw upon or utilize the most. the card i drew says that i must tap into my inherent need for control and use it to my advantage. i like planning things and i hate it when things go out of whack or sync. the card i drew says i could definitely channel this and use it. easier said than done. 3 of pentacles.

card 6 are the outer resources i must tap into. in this reading, i got a card that says i am surrounded by people who can provide me with means, or teach me things, or show me the way. i have to open up to them. 10 of wands.

card 7 is what are my delusions about the world in general that are preventing me from prospering. from what i understand from the card i got, basically i need to dispel the idea that if i keep working and working, without thought or action about any goals, then i'm screwed. i cant just keep toiling away, content with the status quo. this one touches me to the core, and getting this was quite eerie to be quite honest. 7 of pentacles.

card 8 is what life changing event has taught me the lessons i need to be more prosperous. according to this reading, i've met someone who is the paragon of all the things i need in order to usher in growth and prosperity in my life. knight of wands.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

i think you suck.

i think you suck more than anything or anyone i've ever encountered.

you are like pocket lint. you are an ingrown toe nail.

you are completely useless.

it wasn't your place to judge. it wasn't your place to pry. it wasn't your place at all.

what it was was a fight between two people. two adults. you couldn't even respect that, and you had to go all highschool on it.

who cares what you think? you don't get to have an opinion. what you have with you is he said she said. and how substantial is that? you weren't there. you weren't. thats the bottom line. thats the period you need.

the effort to keep it contained and the effort to keep it as small as possible was rendered futile by you. i see this now. it wasn't me who tore things up. it was you. absolutely.

they recently accepted the word UNFRIEND in the dictionary. how completely and totally timely. i'd say it's rather serendipitous.

how's that for higschool?

this shoot could not have come at a better time!

recent events have not been so favorable, and things were starting to get to my zen place.

i was called over by a few officemates of mine to drop in on them in our friend Aimee's house. i thought, at the time, that they were just hanging out, so i said yes without so much as batting an eyelash.

i got there and to my surprise, they were having a full on fashion shoot.

and to cut the long story short, i was asked to step in for a few frames.

i got the photos a few days after, and boy, were they a welcome sight. they brought back the spring in my step!

a total of 5 people have complimented me on my skin in the last 2 weeks. people have mentioned improved skin tone, blemish free surface, and the one that people keep saying is that it's like someone removed all of my pores all in one go.

i have to say, i wish i could credit good genes, or some other natural source of all this fabulousness, but i'm afraid i cannot. i've been using pond's age miracle for a few months now, i think for a month and a half now, and i have to say that it has been truly miraculous.

i've been using products since god knows when, and i've always been underwhelmed with the lot of them. olay total effects was very good, and some of the hand me down moisturizers from the "luxe" brands have all been okay too. but none of them have given me real results like this before.

i must admit though, that this is the first time i've been completely loyal to a skin care "regimen". i have the facial wash, the night and day cream, the other day cream, the eye cream and the moisturizer. i have been following the instructions to the letter, and right here and right now, i do not regret doing so.

my skin feels amazing. there are no rough spots, oil is not an issue, and i am literally glowing.

so worth the 2.5k i spent on this gunk.

see me to believe it.

I want to feel your body close. And I want to hear every breath and every word every waking moment. I dream of you. I want you to love me like I've never felt love before. Warm me, hold me and I want you to take me to your secret place beneath the brazen skies, under the harvest moon.

And come inside my dream cave. Come inside my rainbow shell. And come inside my dream cave, and I will show you.

We bathe in shadows; chocolate kisses linger. The air is heavy and sweet in this luscious tangle... In this luscious tangle of oblivion.

i'm obsessing right now over lips.

my friend kit made a passing remark at me recently after seeing some of my photos. he congratulated me on finally taking the plunge and embracing botox.

of course i was extremely ELATED upon hearing these words.

i've never had botox injections, and after seeing what happened to Lara Flynn Boyle, i dont think i ever will.

but now i find myself obsessing over full and plump lips.

the concept of lip plumpers is new to me. will give it a shot.

will update once a purchase has been made.

now, the aforementioned photos:






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i've since bought smashbox O-PLUMP. it's very very tingly, feels like you've been snogging with an ice sculpture.

so far so good though :D

This may come as some surprise but I miss you. I can see through all of your lies, but still I miss you. You take his love, but it doesn't feel like mine. You taste his kiss, his kisses are not wine, they're not mine. You take, but surely he can't give what I'm feeling now. He takes, but surely he doesn't know how. Is it a crime? That I still want you? And I want you to want me too... My love is wider than Victoria Lake. My love is taller than the empire state. It dives and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean. I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back.

talk about great timing.

I bought Up Dharma Down's new album today, and I've been looping it endlessly on my iPod.

the music fits today, along with the past couple of days, weeks and even months.

Distance is a good word.

I needed plenty of it after a catastrophic occurrence last year: one I had to personally execute and see through to the end. The deed was done, but not without casualties.

My actions were seen by others as unjust and baseless, while others saw it as an over reaction. I needed not to qualify my actions to others, and I had complete and total resolve all through out that ordeal.

Still, after all that, I felt the need for even more distance.

And so I did.

I distanced myself from all familiar nouns. The usual locations were emptied, various channels were rendered derelict.

Funny how these things seem to catch up with you, in one way or another.

what a year ender this is turning out to be. that's all i'm saying.

i thought this time would be different.

sigh.

whoever said silence is golden doesn't know what she's talking about.